Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers
"Green with Vomit, Part III; The Humiliation"
Parody of, "Green with Evil, Part III; The Rescue"
LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS:
Just when you thought things couldn't get much worse, it did. Obnoxious Tommy decides that humiliating Kimberly wasn't enough...
Tommy: Well, put your clothes back on, I have other things to do. Afterall,
the world doesn't revolve around your bare buns, sister.
Kimberly: Well excuse me for living!
...he decides to get Goldar a gift...
Tommy: Oh wait, Jason. I forgot to tell you, I'm going to throw you in a
battle with Goldar.
Jason: Should be fun, see ya.
Tommy whips out his power coin and zaps Jason, who vanishes.
...
Goldar appears from no where with his sword laughing.
...meanwhile, the other four rangers--headless and much without direction with (for the second time) Zordon lost and Alpha pretty much out of it--must go fight Green Ranger!
Tommy draws power with his sword and zaps the MegaJunkaZord when
MegaJunkaZord gets out the Majormess head-shield that reflects the power
back at Tommy, who then prepares to retreat.
Tommy: You haven't seen the last of the Green Ranger.
Has Rita finally pulled her head out from where the sun don't shine and cultivated the perfect plan? Will brain-scrambled Tommy give the Pathetic Rangers the karate lesson of their life or just make Cream Of Wheat out of them? Will Goldar be inundated with an explosion of hot-air if he dismembers Jason? Find out in Today's episode of the Pathetic Rangers, NEXT!
AND NOW PART 3:
SCENE I:
In Goldar's Playroom, Jason is shackled and gagged.
Goldar: I'll be back for you later. For now, I have to go see what Rita's new
plan is.
Jason (spit): What's to say I don't break out of this rope?
Goldar: Because it ain't rope, it's metal.
Jason: Oh.
SCENE II:
Continued from Part II, The Pathetic Rangers win the battle between the Green Ranger.
Billy: We should stay in MegaJunkaZord just in case.
SCENE III:
Rita discovers Tommy getting beat up by the rangers.
Rita: I will not accept defeat!
Goldar: I've got to get back to Jason.
Rita: That's right, I've still got him.
Squatt: I was supposed to say that.
Rita: Well you didn't, so butt out.
Baboo: (Whimpering Grunts)
Tommy: Now what is your plan, your Evilness?
Rita: I am going to unleash the evil Scorpina to destroy those metal monkeys.
Tommy: Good plan, but how am I involved?
Rita: She's just a stall, once she's written out of the mini-series, you jump
in and trash MegaJunkaZord. What's gonna happen is I'm gonna cast a
spell on the Sun to have an eclipse so that tower of rust collapses into
a fiery hell from which we'll never see that menace again.
Tommy: Hey, I have an idea. Why don't I antagonize Jason while Scorpina
assaults the Pathetic Rangers?
Rita: Splendid idea.
SCENE IV:
Zack: We've been up here for hours, can't I go to the bathroom now?
Billy: I thought you said we don't do that on TV.
Zack: Well I only said that as an excuse to throw up in your lunch bag, WHOOPS!
Billy: You did WHAT?!
Trini: That's not important right now, look!
Scorpina is blowing up small buildings all over the block.
Kimberly: We're going down.
They jump from MegaJunkaZord and Battle Scorpina.
SCENE V:
Meanwhile at Cheers....
Bulk: It's about time we got a scene in this worthless show. I have an idea.
Why don't we man-rob Old Man-Sam Malone?
Skull: But aren't we supposed to be shaken up in an old RTD Bus?
Bulk: One thing, that's in Part 4, and Second: That's a School Bus.
Skull: Better be very careful, remember what happened to Jason when he leaked
the plot?
Bulk: Yeah, this would have been much simpler if you had have said yes to
robbing Sam. Ol-Man Sam, stick em up.
SCENE VI:
Meanwhile in the dementional prison, a.k.a., Goldar's Private Play-Pin...
Jason: When is that darn Goldar gonna get back here?
Tommy suddenly fades into the set.
Tommy: Get out! I've gotta practice so I can whip that tower of rust you call
MegaJunkaZord here.
Jason: You can't do that, according to the script; Goldar is holding me captive
here and then somehow I talk him into...
Tommy: STOP LEAKING THE PLOT, or you'll never get out of here!
Jason: One more thing. If you were a real Pathetic Ranger you'd be Zordon's
slave, not Rita's.
Tommy: Hey, for all you know, I could be George Burns under this costume.
Jason: He's too small, besides his helmet would wabble around like a ball in a
pin-ball machine.
Tommy: Okay--Bill Cosby.
Jason: His gut's too big.
Tommy: That doesn't matter, the point is: I'm going to make minced meat out of
the lot of you.
Jason: Oh that's low! You're going to get it now!
Somehow, Jason gets free of the hand-cuffs and leaps onto of Tommy and they start wrestle off of the screen shouting obscenities at each other as Goldar arrives back into the cell.
Goldar: Knock it off! Number one, now how'd Jason get loose? And why does
Tommy look like a living basketball?
Tommy: He started it, Sir.
Jason gives Tommy the finger.
Goldar: Enough, you're acting like children.
Jason: That's because we're "TEENAGERS WITH ATTITUDES"
Goldar: Also, most of you happen to have five lettered names. Oh well, anyhow
I've just about had enough of you. I'll let you free, Rita probably
won't mind.
SCENE VII:
Meanwhile... Trini is teaching the alphabet to Scorpina:
Trini: Now remember what I told you five hours ago, this is `A'.
Scorpina: Why am I doing this?
Billy: 'Cause we kicked the crap out of your head, causing chronic brain
damage.
Zack: Yeah, but when Rita makes you big so you throw MegaJunkaZord in the
trash, you get your memory back.
Scorpina: By the way, I was supposed to kick you guys in the derriere.
Kimberly: Well you didn't, because if you were to dent mine, you would be
paralyzed from the neck down.
Billy: Listen, we've gotta split. We're supposed to fix Zordon.
Scorpina: Oh cool!
They all teleport for the command center.
Goldar shows up at Rita's Palace.
Rita: Hmmm, I wonder where Scorpina is? Oh hi, Goldar! Any luck with
torturing secrets out of Jason?
Goldar: Nah, I let him go.
Rita (Suddenly pulling back from her Palace): YOU DID WHAT?!
In the command center, the rangers are aimlessly switching dials and buttons knowing little of what they're doing when Jason somehow gets teleported onto the command center floor sweating and squirming in intense fear. Momentarily, (noticing the others seeing him) he stands up again and tries to look cool.
Billy: Hehehehee, I'm gifted.
Zack: Just what assures you of that, geek?
Billy: I can mindlessly switch dials, and miraculously reproduce Jason's
presence.
Trini: It ain't got nut'n to do with gifted mind. Because Goldar's a lousy
terrorist, he let Jason go for some odd reason.
Billy: Dammit, Trini, do you HAVE to ruin my moment of glory? I DO need a
payback for being harassed for being the unusually brilliant being that
I am.
Jason: Hey guys, I am here ya know.
Trini: Where have you been?
Jason: Long story, I don't think you wanna know.
Kimberly: I do.
Jason: Well, I wasn't with another girl.
Kimberly: Good.
Trini: What do you have, Kim; a monopoly on guys?
Kimberly sticks her tongue out at Trini.
Kimberly: Well at least I have 'em!
Trini: But I want one too! Can I have one, please?! Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Kimberly: Okay, you can have Jason; but I need Tommy for the show.
Trini: And who needs Billy?
Kimberly: Exactly.
Zack: Wanna discuss me?
The girls stare at Zack indicating he's not their type.
Zack: Guess not.
Trini: Any luck with the computer?
Billy: Negatory, these cables and wires have been completely roached. They
have to be replaced before we can get the computer generator and
computer online to search for Zordon's location.
Jason: And where are we going to get those?
Billy: Well, I stole everything at the command center one night, duplicated it
and brought the copies here. I'll bring my updated, more efficient
versions here.
Depressed Trini wanders over to the control panel and looks up at the empty tube where Zordon once was and starts to assume a cry-baby face.
Trini (Weeping, pathetic voice): Zordon, we need you.
Zack: Relax babe, you've got me.
Trini slaps Zack.
Zack: She likes me.
Zack gets pounded in the bread-basket.
Billy: Don't kill her, I mean, him or anything. That's not necessary.
Alpha: Look on the viewing globe.
Tommy is seen standing on a hill gloating over his special morphine powers.
Zack: God he's so full of himself.
Seven hours later:
SCENE IX:
At the Command Center, Billy finally turns the computers back-on with a gas-engine powering it.
Billy: Well the computer is online, that's all we need until That Green Guy
messes with the switches again.
Jason: Too bad we didn't have the chips for Zordon's computer so we had to buy
from Radio Shack.
Zack: Our genius.
Trini: Okay. Roll on the phrase:
TO BE CONTINUED...
(C) 1993 Artist Bros. Enterprises
NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS...
Rita goes into phase two of her idiotic plan to lead the rangers out into the open by having Goldar in Downtown Angel Grave (which is like saying dead, three times) smashing things and also kidnaps Bulk and Skull so she can eclipse the sun and cut of MegaJunkaZord's energy source!
Bulk and Skull miraculously are found not outside Cheers, but outside the
Junk Food Bar aimlessly scanning the park area for protective shielding,
screaming when Bulk notices an abandoned, nearly empty-fueled School Bus.
Bulk: Hey wait a minute, Skull; maybe we can steal this bus to flee the city!
Skull: Bulk, I sure hope you know what you're talking about. I mean, these
things only get up to about 25 miles per...
Bulk: Come on, you worry wart, let's catch the bus!
Bulk and Skull jump into the School Bus and proceed to take turns trying to
drive the thing and both fail at starting the engine--until a pre-grown
Goldar takes advantage of his much larger height and harshly grabs the
School Bus. Then, once in mid-air, the engine starts.
Bulk: There we go. HEY! What happened to the road?
Skull: Bulky, that Gold creep's got us!
Bulk & Skull: AH!
...while Tommy morphs into the Command Center again.
Alpha 5: Oh no, not again.
Tommy: SHH! You're not supposed to know I'm here.
Alpha: Oh right, let's see here if I could just get Zordon's Dimensional
files.
Zordon: Oh no, not you again! Alpha, look - out - behind - you.
Tommy: No you don't!
Tommy pulls the plug on Alpha.
Tommy: Now I'm gonna pull the plug on you, old-man! And soon, I'm gonna
screw up the Pathetic Rangers too. I'm going to slam dunk the
MegaJunkaZord into the trashcan! Muahahahahaha! That's right, I'm
going to screw up your little Super-Hero Team REAL Bad.
Will Bulk & Skull finally get what they deserve for being so incredibly gross? Is Tommy going to finally rid us of the talking fish in the aquarium?
Will the MegaJunkaZord survive? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!
"Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers" is a trademark of Artist Bros. Entertainment.
The above material is protected under laws of the United States and other countries. Unauthorized duplication, distribution or exhibition may result in civil liability and criminal prosecution. Copyright (c)1993 Artist Brothers.
All Rights Reserved. Country Of First Publication: United States of America.
Ondre and Dairenn Lombard are the authors of the preceding text. The characters and events depicted in this story are fictional. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and unintentional. This satire is protected under the Fair Use provisions for parody in United States copyright law. This copyright notice does not extend to infringe upon existing copyrights for "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" a registered trademark of Saban Entertainment, Saban International, N.V.; Toei Group, Toei International, Toei Agency or Fox Kids Network. [TV-14]
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